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My daughter openly tells him that she hates him and that he is a douche and that she wouldn't care if he was out of her life. Look, Im sorry, but your hand here is rather plainly seen. July 2, 2013, 12:12 pm. lets_be_honest Whats wrong with a daughter that is well-informed by national geographic and knows how to make a fire? He came home four hours later. Skyblossom My dad actually doesnt have a whole lot of interests, and if he does, he doesnt like them enough to pursue them. My dad did tell me they were awful back in the day but he still bought me all the tapes and magazines and t-shirts and let me plaster my walls with their posters and drove me to their concert. My grandparents have a VHS of her wishing my cousin and I happy birthday. It may be up to this mom to protect her daughter, especially if the fights she describes keep getting worse. I would suggest planning outings for just your husband and your daughter maybe to an arcade, out to a movie, mini golf,etc so that they can spend time together by themselves. Is it forcing or is it parenting? Cant we at least celebrate that the things listed like Harry Potter probably indicate that the daughter is reading a lot of books not a bad thing , lets_be_honest The eye-rolling and making the daughter feel bad about her interests is not cool. Wed do something hed want to do (touring a waste water treatment plant seriously), and then wed do something I wanted to do a couple weeks later (he took me to see Rent when I was 13!). They clearly saw that parent as the good guy, and are unconsciously playing out the same part, unable to stop giving even when it cannot be reciprocated. I also really enjoyed Measure of Man which was the episode where Datas humanity is put on trial. Seems to notice every bad thing they do but rarely praises. Okay, maybe I wouldnt want my 12 to read that) they could go to a history museum that has exhibits about the War of the Tudors that partially inspired the novels. Seriously though, Joss Whedon writes amazing TV his shows are some of the best the medium has to offer. lets_be_honest I had his favorite dinner prepared and all possible distractions blocked. As you agree, there needs to be a balance and it sounds like Dad is the only one whose realized that. Isnt there something vampiry that could also lead to a talk about scifi which leads to something the dad may like!?! Theres something to be said for respecting other peoples interests and personalities. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_18',131,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_19',131,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0_1');.mobile-leaderboard-2-multi-131{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:600px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}However, when conflict arises between a parent and child, it can be even more difficult to resolve. Um, not so much. Contact Us. Scifi and fantasy have an adult audience for a reason (and a lot of the scientists on your husbands shows were inspired to study it because of Star Trek and the like). When I asked why she didn't say something to him then, she said that they only ever talk about college stuff and the moment never seems to be quite right. The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. We watch those shows now, pre-children, but I assume well continue to do so once we have kids. The problem is, he's never been able to relate to them and, even when he does talk with them, he causes an argument or upsets them. That time was never truly enjoyable, no matter how much I enjoyed myself because I just wasnt compatible with his personality. But mom, dont do the us versus him. This day is going down in history as the first day that Ive ever agreed with every single word youve said, BGM. Tell you daughter its important she spend time with her dad and why. (I remember one long drive when i was little where we ran out of all other cds and they suffered through it for a little while and I was happy as a clam, but eventually they couldnt deal with it anymore). Otherwise, how are kids going to learn tolaugh at themselves? A few years from now this guys daughter interests may have changed, but she wont be bothering to talk to him about it or anything at all, most likely. Although Mom does need to step up and encourage a stronger relationship between the two of them, its ultimately Dads responsibility to cultivate that relationship. Tell them in detail what you like about them. Eating vegetables or just trying any new food? So, here is the thing. lets_be_honest if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4','ezslot_15',127,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4-0');And since she loves you both, it can be tough for her to see you stay in a situation that makes you both so miserable. Being My Husbands Caregiver is Exhausting. Her daughter should stop liking it just because her mother likes it. See a different horoscope: Select I agree mostly with your last paragraph, but I wonder how close the LWs perception of the assignments is to reality or whether it might actually be closer to what you described. Camping and hiking which FRANKLY are much better for her both physically and psychologically in the long run. July 2, 2013, 11:04 am. But that he made the effort to give me my interests. lets_be_honest And his dad didnt want to hear anything about my husbands interests. Anything! Theres no excuse for that. Yeah, I wasnt responding so much to Mark re: sports but to culture as a whole. Im willing to bet you (and me and others) would have done the same thing back to him when he mentioned something that you didnt like. Jake O'Kane: Is the DUP really going to sink the Assembly and reject the Windsor Framework? If the issue is raised during a child custody . Its a question many mothers ask themselves: why is my husband driving my daughter away? Yes. He then referred to it as anti-hunting shit, and we werent allowed to like it. I grew up with a dad who I had a lot in common with. But he also doesnt need to pretend to like whatever she is in to. July 2, 2013, 1:18 pm, Um, both piano recitals and spelling bees are CONSTRUCTIVE activities Fangirling? I was hoping to be able to tell her that she has a grandbaby coming, but its still too early to know. Please dont suggest counseling communication is not an issue, as we have talked about these problems over and over. Hmm, Im getting a different vibe from this letter than Wendy is? I finally watched Firefly for the first time last night with my bf who has been begging me to watch it with him. Also, I want to tell an awesome story about my dad. Tell her how much he appreciates it. I understand how you might be torn how easy it might be to embrace every second you have with her when you know all too soon, shell outgrow her fangirl stage, or at the very least, embrace additional teen-related obsessions, thereby reducing the time she cares to spend with you, and then soon after shell be leaving you and heading off for adventures of her own, away from you and her dad. Some people say yes, a parent should love their child more than their spouse. AITA for not driving my wife to our son's wedding since I'm not invited? Seriously, this guy is an asshole. Skyblossom But he let them happen, and would use them to talk to me about other books or stories that would expand my horizon. You also need to encourage your husband to be respectful of his daughters interests. Sorry Wendy (and LW) I think your answer was as wrong as it was long. You dont always get to do the things you want and sometimes have to compromise. He leaves at 5:00 a.m. every morning to support me and our children. I agree, but the father didnt ask for advice, the mom did and we all know you can only control your own actions, so because of that, I think the advice given was spot on. Obviously the ex spent a lot of time with his family (20 years) as they had a lot of gatherings. Your daughter may feel like you deserve to be happy and, as a result, may want you to leave your husband if hes not making you happy. The daughter will then learn to respond in similar (asking others about their hobbies, showing genuine interest, accepting of differing hobbies). July 3, 2013, 3:26 am, You probably know this already but Meribor = Picards daughter. In four decades of observing crazy-making partners in therapy, I have seen many underlying reasons why these people will simply not let their partners add up any pleasing points. Go to a murder mystery night and talk about Sherlock. It sounds like she and her daughter just happen to share the same interests. Losing the . Theres even more scripted shows re: that sort of thing. Like my sister loves Elvis, because my parents use to always listen to the Elvis hour on Sundays on the local oldies station, I didnt like Elvis then, so choose not to listen to it, I put my walkman on with Metallica, and Red Hot Chilli Peppers in it. The advice to the LW is good, but she cannot change her husbands behavior. I thought for years that I was incapable of being competitive, and all of a sudden Im in a sport that has me knocking people down and finding bursts of speed I didnt know I hadturns out I just hated playing basketball and gave no shits. Dad used people for his own good. And theyre relationship suffered because my dad never made an effort to step up and show interest in what he was interested in. He can take care of himself." Like many women,. If your teenager is starting to pull away, it is important to resist the urge to panic or try to force them to spend more time with you. Frankly, I dont know ANYBODY who had such strange mutual worships WITH their parents I dunno, back in the 1980s most parents were actually grown ups, I guess. ! He rolls his eyes and tries to get them to stop talking about stuff that theyre interested in. , so i guess it cuts both ways. (I threw it all up and cried. It was always classic rock radio in the car, and at home he usually had some background music going, often from his own enormous collection of CDs that included everything from classic rock to blues to zydeco. Im not trying to argue with you Mark, I see your point and agree with much of it I just think its possible that the daughter is the one who introduced Mom to some of these things, and Mom became a fan. lets_be_honest I resented how I wasnt allowed to pursue my own interests, and how the only interaction from my father was doing something he wanted or berating us about not having his interest and how stupid our own interests were. So insightful! July 2, 2013, 2:59 pm. Often, in their own backgrounds, they have seen a too-good-to-be-true martyred parent in a devoted relationship with a partner who would not acknowledge their caring. The thing is, what the father is doing is rude. I actually wish my parents had exposed me to more things, even things I didnt like. Just saying, theyre definitely still popular. So, dont deprive your daughter of the sort of things you learn about life when doing not fun things with one of your parents. Wendys relationship with her parents as a young girl feels ridiculously close with my relationship with my parents. Either the Dads behavior is bad enough that she needs to draw a line and tell him to stop with the eye-rolling and turning off the TV for no good reason; or it isnt and she needs to prioritize her marriage and get back to being team parent. I had the same experience at college! I think it would seem less like forcing if he wasnt being a dictator about other things I mean maybe if she could listen to her music or a Harry Potter book on tape in the car on the way camping the daughter would be in a better mood , Marjoralynnia My husband's daughter is coming to visit. But I wouldnt have done any of those things if my parents let me do what I wanted whenever I wanted. One of the strangest experiences of my life was attending a Sci-Fi convention with her on a lark where we learned she is on a Franklin Mint plate!! You will learn from all of them. I think this is a great point. Shes driving me crazy and I dont know how long I can take it.. . Its full of teen girls going crazy for Star Trek. He needs to learn to be a bit more respectful of his daughters choices and to compromise which would be modeling good behavior for his child to learn. July 2, 2013, 4:01 pm. It sounds like your husband feels really left out and is more just reacting than being proactive about changing things. Manage Settings EVER. She SHOULD be more informed and its good that her dad wants her to be. The father is totally out of line with his dismissive and unloving ways, but so is the mother, big time. Do I look back on those times with my dad now and appreciate the time we spend together? And my husband tried; he can shoot bow and arrow (his dads favorite) very well, can recognize animal tracks, knows a number of out-doorsy tricks.it was never good enough. Please dont disparage science fiction/fantasy as not being intelligent or low-brow for children and adults.